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Sex... a “hush hush” topic in the Christian world. But why? God created it to be a beautiful thing, within the confines of marriage.
When I gave a high school youth group the opportunity to anonymously write down three things they wanted to discuss in youth, out of appropriately twenty-five students, the top three answers were: 1) Relationships 2) Sex 3) Bullying (In that order) If our youth are wanting a church discussion, I think that makes it a relevant topic. Don’t you?
Here are the three sub-topics I will discuss:
Part 1) Why Wait - Sex & Marriage
Part 2) Pro-creation
Part 3) “Christian Sex”
Part 1: Why Wait - Sex & Marriage
Why? Uh, duh. Because God says so... Anyone else dislike it when a parent’s only response to, “Why” is, “Because I said so?” No? Just me huh? :) When God says so, our love and respect for Him should be enough of a reason for us to do the right thing. Should be. But, sometimes it is nice to have more of an explanation to the rule so we can understand why it is so important.
So, what’s the point? I’m getting there.
GOD LOVES US and He only wants good things for us. The main REASON I can find in the Bible to get married is this: “if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.”
~1 Corinthians 7:9
Say what? Sex is a reason for marriage? YEP... “It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband.”
~1 Corinthians 7:1-2
To fill in the gaps...
“...Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. But I say this as a concession, not as a commandment. For I wish that all men were even as I myself. But each one has his own gift from God, one in this manner and another in that.But I say to the unmarried and to the widows: It is good for them if they remain even as I am...”
~1 Corinthians 7:3-8
Back to the waiting...
Relationships are hard. Imagine marrying someone who’s view and beliefs varied so much from your own that most of your time together was arguing... Or worse. The sex might be great... But if you can’t stand to be around each other, how will you last a lifetime?
It’s important to wait on God’s best for our lives instead of settling for “good enough”... Take it from a woman who knows. Settling may “feel right” in the moment... But that feeling won’t last forever. Getting entangled with the wrong person can lead to pain and heartache on both sides. Waiting on sex is telling your future someone, “I value you enough to not devalue myself and offer you a used product.” Ouch.
I wish I could tell you that I was a good girl and waited for Mr. Perfectly Imperfect. My marriage was amazing. The sex was great. We communicated well. We had a love that would last a lifetime... Yeah... I wish I could tell you that. Unfortunately, that’s not the case. I had sex before I was married. Kids outside of wedlock. The sex was mediocre. Neither of us knew how to communicate well. And the love... It wasn’t at all what I’d expected. But, I’ve learned much about what love is and is not since those early years. See my blog, "What's Love Got to Do with It?: https://www.justbeperfectlyimperfect.org/post/what-s-love-got-to-do-with-it
Yes, sex is a reason to get married, but once inside that marriage role, God gives us guidelines to follow as husbands and wives. Waiting on God’s best gives us the best chance at being the husband / wife God has called us to be. You / They don’t deserve anything less.
Okay, so maybe you are reading this and you are not a Christian. You may thinking, “this doesn’t really apply to me...” Maybe not, but the next part will.
Babies... STD’s... Regrets... Low Self-Esteem... Brokenness... Anxiety... Failed Relationships... Hurt... Anger... Confusion... Frustration... All things that are MORE likely when sex happens outside a marriage relationship versus within a marriage to the right person.
Sure, bad things happen within good marriages too. We are human and we all make mistakes. Life is tough and lasting a lifetime with someone is going to take work. You don’t want to find the person who will hop on a plane and take you on vacation but if the plane starts to go down, they grab the only parachute and leave you to go down with the plane. Instead, you want to WAIT FOR the person who will go with you, but work with you to find a solution to hopefully get you both safely grounded when it seems the plane of life is spiraling out of control.
Coming soon, Part 2: Pro-creation.